My 4 am yap sesh

I am insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe, I will never be important, I will never explore the stars as I have so dreamed of wholeheartedly throughout my life. I can never achieve my true dreams due to circumstances beyond my control so I must limit them, I must cut my passion short to make it realistic. All humans are sentient beings with the ability to process their own existence, this ability of self consciousness serves no functional animal purpose and is purely coincidence of intelligence and us being social animals. I am alive. That statement alone separates us from anything else we know of in this universe. Through compression we have infinite comprehension and intellectual potential yet are physically dictated by the laws of physics and of man. Some of us are in positions of power throughout history and try to find meaning and purpose by recognition and power over many, that ideal of greed became more personal with pragmatism and animal logic leading to a society run by those who hoard power for no reason other than because they can. They institute beaurocracies to serve their agendas and make everyone else pawns in their elaborate hoarding game. It is easy to villainize others however I believe that all people believe they are doing the right thing, so I wonder if these people consider those they control, or are so desensitized that they cannot fathom that there are billions of fully sentient capable beings with hopes and dreams who are just as alive as them, under their thumb. I am dissatisfied. I see that I cannot make change. I see no realistic future where I can feel fulfilled. I see how important these hoarders think they are. I see myself. I see that through the butterfly effect anything perceived by anyone else permanently changes their brain and perception of the world. I see that because of that, everything I can possibly convey to another person through any means will have an infinite effect on the future of reality through the most minuscule things. I see that individuality is an illusion and that all of us are part of a massive interconnected intelligence that is wholly unaware of the partial tragedies that make it up. I see the stars. “Why is the universe the way it is” the most simple unanswerable question that simply cannot have an answer, for if we were to find out we would only ask the meaning of that as-well. Is sentience a curse or a blessing, for it may seem at first that due to self consciousness we make dilemmas for ourselves and tear ourselves apart about it however on a deeper conclusion is is clear to me as a human being, that I should be grateful I can experience existence, that I can feel relief from a cool breeze and gaze with wonder at the stars, that I can passionately love others in my life and that I can grieve their absence, that I can create things from the algorithms of my mind and share those things with my fellow man, that I can learn from the past and preconceive the future, that I can reserve the right to reject animal instincts and stifle pragmatism simply because I want to, that I have the ability to think for myself, and that I am me.