UPDATE: my 18 yo kitty passed.

I feel really guilty. Thank you everyone for the advice but we waited too long. By the morning the vet could not make it to us because of the weather, and we could not make it out of our neighborhood because of ice and snow. I am mad at my parents for ignoring me, and I feel really disgusted in myself— it all just happened so fast. I miss her.

WARNING: I am going to vent about my experience and describe what she went through. It is a little bit graphic , this is my first time as a pet owner (technically not MY cat my my father’s) that I am losing a pet in this way so please I just need to vent my frustrations and feelings and talk about it.

The night before she passed I stayed up all night with her to keep her company and comfort. At one point she seized in my arms. I held her so she didn’t hurt herself but tried not to restrain her. After that I gave her some water and let her get reoriented. I don’t think she really did after that seizure. The next few hours she spent in and out of sleep, her head in my hand the whole time. Her favorite thing is when someone cups her head and pets her just in front of her ear, and I did that all the way up until her final breath. At another point in the night she started dry heaving. I didn’t know what to do. It was like she was throwing up air. She started to smell really bad. Like feces— but she was clean and every time I checked her she had not soiled herself. After the dry heaving I got a little closer to her and sang to her softly. After the first song I stopped singing, and she moved her head out of my hand (mind you, besides seizing and dry heaving she didn’t move at all all night and was only in a sleeping posit ion), briefly purred at me and tried to meow at me, but only a light groan came out. It was the same thing she used to do when she was healthy, when you’d stop petting her and she’d want you to continue. She used to look at you, purr really loudly and meow at you until you kept purring. She only had the energy for that one movement and I’m so so honored that she used that energy on ME… so for the next hour I kept singing to her. She fell asleep in my hand and I turned on a show quietly as she slept. My parents woke up and my dad came into the living room, where I was with her, and I ended up falling asleep next to her (pictures attached). I stayed with her all day as well, until that evening she began gasping loudly. Five minutes later she went limp like a puppet. I closed her eyes for her but I couldn’t let go of her she was still warm I just didn’t want to believe she was dead. I miss her. I miss petting her. I don’t want to forget her. I have so many regrets about this whole thing. I hope she doesn’t hold it against me. This is my first time dealing with the passing of a pet… especially one I held so close to me. She walked me through some of the toughest things I’ve been through. Her and I had a bond that was unmatched to any connection I’ve had with a human. She was such a special cat. I can’t believe she was subjected to this. Sorry for this post.. I find this community to be really comforting— I don’t have many people to talk to about my cats like this. I just wanted to share her story… my feelings and some pictures… thank you for reading. I know I didn’t do everything I could’ve, trust me I wish I acted sooner. Everyone in the comments of my last post was right — “one day early is better than one week late” ugh. I’m sorry.

Rest well Poppy :( I love you.