Considering leaving
I'm reaching the end of my probation and I just don't know if I want to carry on after that. I've had a love/hate thing going on with the job since it started.
To start with, the pay is terrible. I'm trying to plan a wedding, save for a house and I want to be in a position to have a child in the next few years. I don't see it happening anytime soon while in the police.
Secondly, the pay wouldn't be such an issue if the job looked after you better. Right now my mental and physical health is struggling. The welfare just isn't there until you hit breaking point and have to go sick (and even then, they get so funny about when and how often you take sick).
I joined with somewhat realistic expectations. I knew it wasn't all fast cars and exciting jobs. I knew I'd be hated by a large percentage of the public. I knew there would be conflict. I knew it would be tough and I knew it was far from glamorous. But I wanted to help people and feel like I was doing something good in a world where many bad things happen. I don't feel like I'm even doing this. Many of my victims are dissatisfied and a lot of this has to do with the lack of time I have to give them and the investigation they deserve. I ask for the time and still don't get it because of lack of resources. Then the complaints come in and it's my fault.
I also always feel on edge that it just takes one mistake and I'll be investigated or reg 13'd. I don't feel like the higher ups have my back, even with small 'learning' mistakes.
I knew the work/life balance wouldn't be great because it's shift work but it's worse than I thought. My leave requests get denied 99% of the time when I ask for a RDIL (I have many).
I don't feel that my safety is even considered important half the time - being sent to domestics on my own and other dodgy jobs just makes me feel like my own safety isn't as important as the rest of the public. I know it's a risky profession but I've had a few close calls now.
Everyone around me - my family, my partner and friends think I should just stick it out. However, I'm the only one who has to do this. I feel the job making me miserable and I shouldn't have this much dread and anxiety when I go in.
I consider myself a really resilient and tough person so this is why I'm quite shocked that at 2 years in I feel deflated. Part of me wants to push through while the other part thinks I shouldn't waste anymore time being miserable.
Has anyone else felt the same and regretted/been happy they left? Is this just a rough patch or should I pack it in?