Seeing yourself in the "wrong" kind of trans people

I've been struggling to put the title into words, but that's been sticking in my mind for a while.

Let me describe it this way. On the surface, someone like Lillytino and I couldn't be more different. She's an influencer who loves to send food back, go after people who misgender her and makes OnlyFans content. I'm a grad student who is terrified of becoming the main character of Twitter by correcting someone when they misgender me. I once got misgendered almost 5 times in 30 seconds by a grocery store clerk and all I did was stand there and take the psychic damage, especially since I've done that job before and it's a terrible job. The only thing that we have in common is that we don't pass for shit. However, I want to defend her because I see myself in her, struggling to make ends meet in a world that wasn't us to die and suffer while doing so. Hell, I might be going to San Francisco in a few months, funding permitting, and part of me is expecting to walk around the Tenderloin after dark and see nothing but Lillytino clones walking around and sleeping on the street.

It doesn't matter how many trans women doctors, lawyers, programmers, academics and musicians I read about, they feel distant. But Lillytino, Lia Thomas and all of the predators and other salient exemplars that are used to attack our community? It's like I'm starring into a mirror into my future and the deep depths of my soul. Makes no sense but it feels real.