I'm the worst person to walk this earth

Hanging out with 2 of my best friends and my partner. I specifically got gin because I wasn't feeling great. That was a mistake. I felt that as soon as I got drunk I've become mean to everyone. They were trying to comfort me because I'm going through alot by saying "be gentle with yourself" "love yourself" and I got so mad thinking why say these useless statements over and over again. Just let me be miserable. I passed out for 2 hours on the couch. Woke up, finished the gin and went home. I apologised and everyone said I wasn't mean drunk. But it feels like they're just saying it so I don't feel bad. I love my friends and partner and I don't want this to ever happen again:(. I also have a very severe pure o.c.d. The whole night is replaying in my mind and I'm arguing with myself as I write this.