Day 40 post FQ- Life is not enjoyable anymore

I'm sorry but I really need to vent. On a physical level I’m feeling almost normal, but on a mental level I'm feeling really bad. Every night I can sleep but I have nightmares where people try to catch and kill me. Every day I wake up suicidal and ask myself if is it worth to continue fighting or not. I'm feeling emotionally dull, I can only experience fear, anger, anxiety and guilt through the day. I can't go in crowded places because of the anxiety and I'm starting to think that life as I knew it has just ended forever. In a week I should start the new semester at university but I don't know what will happen if I add more stress to the mix. I don't know what to do, I just can't rest for six months like some of you said, I'm young and I just can't stop my life for so long, because I'll probably lose many things important to me. I'm also scared of my memory and cognitive abilities, right now I feel dumb most of the time and everything seems to challenge my mind, while it wasn't like this before. Honestly I'm pessimistic, I'm not believing anymore in fast recoveries and I'm starting to think that my neurons won't magically grow back and make me experience life as I did before. This life is just not worth it, and honestly only the fear of what's to come is keeping me into this world, nothing else. The worst of this situation is that no one will ever diagnose me, so I just might end up getting treatments over treatments without noticing any kind of improvement, and without having an explanation for the people who know me. I'm doomed to live a crippled life and I'm the only one who knows that, everyone else believes that I'm going crazy and that an antibiotic can't do all of this.