The hardest part of dating is realizing that you don't trust people to like you

I (M33) am always too nice when dating women. I always prioritize their comfort over mine. I often panic that I'm not doing the correct things to communicate interest, or move the relationship along. I've always figured that I just wasn't initiating physical contact fast enough, so women thought I wasn't interested.

But now I think the issue is that I'm way, WAY too nice at the start of things. And it's because I don't trust anyone to like me.

I grew up a weird kid. I genuinely don't know what to do with 99% of the human population. Nothing makes me all that special or interesting, or at least not enough to keep a potential partner infinitely invested. And while I have friends, too many have flaked all the way out of my life without so much as a reason. I accepted years ago that I'm largely unimportant to the human race and that no matter how much I do for myself, I will probably only truly matter to myself.

So where is that trust supposed to come from? I've never had a relationship. I've never even had sex. I don't get that sense of trust with anyone I date, so I overperform. I overcompensate. I'm so used to people giving up on me that I ironically make them give up on me by being too much for them too soon. And I don't know how to fix this issue. And before someone says therapy, I have done therapy. I was doing therapy until recently. Sometimes you just need to figure these things out on your own.

Anyway, the way I see it is this: I date like a dog. Dogs are generally loyal and forgiving, but they're needy. I should date like a cat. Cats think they're better than you. Which they are, because people are stupid enough to think that these amazing predatory animals need you to protect them. That they need you to clean their litterbox.

Date like a cat. Be Garfield. Make people want you. Don't give trust. Put the dog in you to sleep and win.