I can’t make it in this world

Everything hurts so much and I’m beyond exhausted.

My roommates just gave me this whole lecture about how I need to figure out a job for summer when I’m out of school so I can afford to pay rent to them because they “can’t afford to house me for free” which I wasn’t asking for but they said that I haven’t been able to afford it before and getting help paying from my grandparents from time to time doesn’t count.

I just don’t know what to do. I can’t do a job. School is one thing where I can miss time and have lots of accommodations and can catch up. But a job is different.

They told me that I can do more than I think I can do and sometimes you just have to push. But I can’t push. I can’t keep pushing. Everything keeps getting worse. My pain used to be just my legs. Then my hips too. Then my arms. Now my back and head are starting to hurt too. And I’m nauseous all the time and my stomach hurts.

I know that I’m going to become severe. I don’t have a choice but to get a job because I can’t qualify for disability while still in school. And if I leave school and work and go on permanent disability it’s at minimum a 6-month wait which I can’t be in school for but I can’t afford the wait and rent.

I just… I’m so scared because I know I’m going to keep getting worse until… I don’t know. Something that I’m scared to think about.