I hate autism

Im so fucking tired of this fucking illness ruining my pathetic life. I feel like it takes every ounce of willpower just to live my life knowing that I'm going to likely end up as some pan-handling hobo on the side of the streets. Like I'm 14 and I still can't do basic maths and my handwriting and spelling is awful. According to some people like a miracle having autism because it enhances something or what the fuck ever. all this shitty illness does is make me dumb as rocks I have the most explosive temper, and people say you "need to control your emotions", WELL TO BAD I FUCKING CANT BECAUSE IM STUCK WITH A SHITTY ILLNESSES THAT MAKES ME WANNA FUCKING KMS. I hate seeing all my friends so happy about there above or well above test results whilst I get really excited because I studied so hard just to a bellow. I do have learning support but they don't really get it nor does anyone tbh... The only person who really gets is my dad who I only see every two weeks and that's because I inherited his autism. All I want is to live a normal life..