Has anyone felt grief after choosing AN?

I’m struggling right now, mourning the life I’ve chosen not to pursue. It feels overwhelming, and I find myself crying often when I think about it. Deep down, I know this choice is for the best, and I genuinely feel good about the path ahead—adopting and giving a chance to children who would otherwise remain in the system. Helping them grow, thrive, and find as much happiness as life allows while contributing positively to society.

But alongside that hope, I’m grieving the vision I had for so long. I’m 29, an only child, and for years my dreams revolved around a “big family”—the kind you see in Christmas adverts, full of warmth and tradition. I had relationships, made vision boards, and even blew out birthday candles wishing for that life. Though I can still create a loving family in a different way, I find myself breaking down when I see young families in public or on social media.

It’s not just the idea of having children; it’s the pregnancy journey I've always wanted to experience, the community that surrounds expectant parents, and those tiny faces, a physical manifestation of love between two people (if that love lasts, of course). I know much of this longing comes from selfish desires, and that makes me feel guilty—a hypocrite, even. I am prepared to be cooked by this sub. I know bringing new life into the world isn’t necessary, and I fully stand by that belief. But that doesn’t stop the grief of letting go of a dream I’ve held for two decades.

It feels so lonely. My mother thinks I’m crazy and blames this on some “Reddit cult.” And the reactions I’ve received from the few men I’ve shared my anti-natalist views with haven’t been supportive either.

Have any of you been through this? How did you handle the mourning and the guilt? It’s tough knowing this is the right choice while feeling so lonely and sorrowful.