I escaped. He punished me back by killing himself.

From my last post, I wanted to update everyone here on my situation day 1, but I wanted to wait a few more days before I confirmed. And it’s real.

The 72 hours after I escaped he made my life a nightmare. He hacked my personal emails, emailed me using that email to threaten me, said he’ll ruin my life and that I had a few hours. He knew where my parents lived, I got random private calls. Everyone knew he was impulsive, out of control and codependent on me. So we braced ourselves. When I grabbed my cat and ran out, I was at peace that I’d lose everything. I just wanted freedom. The restraining order was ready to be served.

In his final email, he discovered my emails to the attorneys and denied and twisted everything. Never took accountability. He calculated our apartment perfectly messy with our pics and items scattered and laid to make me feel guilty. Social media posts all left to look a certain way I understood. He left a note, blaming me for this all and sketched a drawing of a “Game Over” of my favorite game. It’s all happened in 3 days and I’m still trying to process it all.

In our 10 year relationship he’s dictated and justified his abuse as punishments. When I opened the door without knocking he’d grab my shirt collar so hard it knocked the air outta me. When he shoved me and I fell backwards into the bathtub it was because I wasn’t listening. Every push and verbal abuse he called me was calculated. This however was the last thing I expected. I never thought he’d kill himself because I finally stood up for myself and chose freedom. A selfish, cruel punishment.

I’m happy I’m free. And I can finally process and heal. I think I also might be numb from it all too. I just wish he stopped and thought for a second before doing the dumbest thing ever and selfishly punishing not just me, but every family and friends. His ways of loving me continues to confuse me. I’ll never understand it.

But here’s the kicker to it all: I would replay that day and choose to leave 100 times all over again if it meant I’d be free and able to find the love and peace I know I deserve. Even if the outcome was the same.