I’m Slipping

I’m slipping. Please, just listen.

27M. Single. No dependents.

Been out for about five months now. Got the rating. Have a job I love, make decent money, but more importantly to me, does good for others. No loved ones around me, and no real friends around. No sight of a relationship anytime soon; got played twice over in the last year by girls and it’s caused me to have some severe mental health and confidence issues because of it.

I’m trying my best. I’m trying to go out and do the things I used to love. I’m trying to go out and push myself to be OK with this loneliness and embrace it. I’m trying to stay active, despite my physical health. I’m trying to deal with it all, but it feels futile.

I’m meeting with the VA BH team, getting what care I can. Feels like I’m just not getting what I need though. I love being social and around others, but with no real friends out here, I come home from social engagements and feel sad. Like it was just a quick fix for a couple hours, and then it’s just me back in my apartment alone.

I want to get better. I’m tired of feeling hopeless and like I’m falling deeper and deeper into this pit, trapped in my mind. I want someone to love and finally have it reciprocated. I want to do good in this world. I’m fucking trying.

It’s gonna be a rough Christmas being all alone for the first time without family or friends. Part of me is scared that I won’t make it through to the New Year. I drown myself in work, but it’s never enough to get my mind out of this hole.

Just hoping I’m not the only one here that is feeling/has felt this way. I really do hope that it’ll all get better one day. It’s the interim that’s the real battle I’m in right now.

Thanks all.