My sex life is so bloody boring.

I love her, I really do, but I can’t take it anymore. We have sex maybe 2-4 times a month, if I’m lucky 😬 And when we do, I have to take a shower right before as she is very prone to cystitis. Because she had some operations done down there too, most positions hurt her which obviously isn’t good at all, so we always end up in the missionary position. I’m not enjoying any of it anymore, there is no spontaneity in any of it. it’s been 5 years and I feel so sad inside, I love sex but to her it’s just a chore. She rejects me most of the time which hurts even more, I feel ugly and horrible and disgusting for even wanting to have sex..

Of course I don’t want her to be sick, to have a cystitis or be in pain generally.. So here I am, stuck in this situation. It’s none of her fault, she washes down there often and has very good hygiene in general, she just got the shortest straw for her immune system. She is so lovely and clever and cute and funny, but the sex aspect of our relationship fucking sucks and I don’t know what to do with myself. Most days I manage to delude myself into thinking I’m not that sad and it’s gonna be okay, but some days I feel like throwing myself in front of a train. She loves me so much and tells me every day, she tells me she doesn’t know what she would do without me and that I’m so important to her… And I believe her, but most days I just feel like we’re flatmates, I miss having a relationship with passionate sex, where I don’t feel guilty about it and I feel desired..

Update:

Oh dear, didn’t think it would blow up that much, I am so sorry for not replying to all of you, there are too many messages for me to reply to, so this is more of a catch all message.. First and foremost, I would never force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, and I do everything I can to make sure she doesn’t get sick or anything (of course I take the shower, no question, I shower everyday, twice if I exercice). Sadly sex isn’t the only contributing factor to her chronic cystitis, if she drinks too many teas, coffees or wine, she will have issues down there. When she do get sick, I make sure to take care of her in any way I can, prep her hot water bottle for her, get her water and care for her, cook food for her, I treat her like a princess.

In our life in general I do that anyway, I participate a lot in the cleaning of the house, food shopping, cooking, washing up, etc. I genuinely help around the house, it’s not like I come home and put my feet up and play ps5 all evening.. which contributes into me not knowing what to do, I feel like I’m doing everything I can to make sure I am useful, and yet she stills rejects me most times. At the end of the day, we’re not married, we don’t own a house together, no kids (if you don’t count the cat).. So the only thing keeping me is that I love her so much, she is so funny and cute and so clever, but there’s always this part of me that just feels really sad about the relationship.. If the sex was more frequent I wouldn’t even think about it, it would be the best relationship I had in my life.

In the topic of her health, she’s been like this since she’s 20, she’s 37 now (I am 33), she has read everything she could about it, gone to as many places as she could to get treatment, the only thing that seems to help is a drug called Hyprex and she also takes D-mannose. But it’s not a cure, and she seems to think there’s nothing else that can be done. I’ve encouraged her so many times to try to get more help, I have done research myself, but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere.

And finally, opening the relationship is certainly not an option. We talked about people who do it when one of our friends got into a polyamorous relationship (didn’t end up well for her) and she absolutely hates the idea, and I’m not keen on it myself. She can be quite possessive and jealous, especially if any girl talks to me a little too much. I have never cheated on her, nor do I want to, I have been cheated on once before and it hurts like a bitch, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.. She has abandonment issues, as her father denied her when she was born (he was 17, her mom 19, he ran away and never acknowledged her as his daughter) and in her last relationship before me, she was with this guy who turned out to be cheating on her with a bunch of girls, got even one pregnant. So of course I completely understand where she comes from and why she feels like this. All in all, there are probably so many factors as to why she has the relationship she has with sex, she feels like she’s only worth something when men have sex with her (her words). I tell her everyday I love her so much, but it’s getting tiring now when I seem to make all the efforts possible and get nothing in return..

Also I want to point out that people seem to forget what this sub is about, I just wanted to rant into the void about this, I never let any of this transpire otherwise and never try to make her feel bad about any of this. It’s not fair on her, she didn’t choose to be like this and I understand it, all I’m saying is that it’s fucking frustrating…