My testimony on how I found God while tripping hard on shrooms two days ago.

This is gonna be a long read and it might go off track at times so I apologize in advance.

Im 17 years old. And I've always had some sort of draw to God. On Monday, November 25th, I woke up and did my usual routine, worked out and fed my dogs and just had a chill day. I ate food and took a shower and a few minutes after I took 400mg of shrooms (which didn't do much because I've done 400 before). Then an hour later I took another 400mg. And 30 minutes after that, I took another 400mg.

So I had a total of 1.2 grams of shrooms in my system and for those of ypu who don't know, if you don't do mushrooms at all, that's a LOT. This isn't the first time I've taken shrooms, it was my 4th. And my reasoning for doing so is so I can just understand myself more, now you can do that sober ofc but in my case I felt it was appropriate to take the shrooms because I feel I am subconsciously avoiding the attempt to understand myself. I've had a very weird and emotionally taxing two years of my life. Not the worst and I certainly wouldn't say I'm traumatized. But my intention behind taking shrooms to better understand myself and open my mind spiritually. I struggle with porn addiction and other issues and I feel taking shrooms can make me truly comprehend just how evil porn is.

Now this is where God comes in. I live in California and it was at around 8 to 9 pm where I found God. I was listening to a song by the name of "who's the guy" by stuck in the sound (this is important). And there's a section in the song that felt spiritually opening. I had my eyes closed and I was looking up at the ceiling, and I had this vision of seeing clouds and eyes were just barely visible in those clouds. The part in that song is around 15 to 20 seconds long so I had to keep rewinding it. That means everytime I listened to that part and when it ended I had to rewind back to it. And the reason why was because it was like I was close to making a life changing discovery and I just kept trying to crack the puzzle. After 7 times of rewinding back to that part of the song, I saw him. I saw Jesus Christ. A few moments later I fell to my knees in tears saying "I found you. I finally found you."

For the next 4 hours I was celebrating it and going around telling my other Christian friends about it. I was happy. So so happy. I went into my phone and then onto my secure folder which had a lot of porn on it (yeah I'm not proud of that.) And I deleted everything. And once I did I felt a rush of euphoria.

At one point I sat onto the dining table and talked to Jesus in the painting of the last supper. And everytime I didn't look at him I felt this wave go from my head to my feet telling me to look at him.

Later I prayed to one day be ready and good enough to be a father and husband. Whenever he deemed me worthy. But... I don't know how to go on from here.

I don't feel I have the right to pray to him, or even ask him for strength. I haven't repented yet and I'm feeling I should've done that as soon as I found him. Now I have so many questions and I don't know what to do now. I mean I know I can confide in God but I had an argument with a friend yesterday and now I feel demotivated. I need prayer. I need to feel that I can confide in God but I'm met with silence. I want to pray and repent but I feel lost. I have a sense of hope for my future in God but I don't know where this doubt is coming from.

Thank you for reading and I'm sorry I got off track but my mind is all over the place with this. Any advice would mean the world to me. Thank you.