Therapist dropped me due to countertransference and I am in shock

UPDATE:

Thank you all for your responses. Your feedback provided me with a lot more clarity, which has helped give me a lot more acceptance. I absolutely have no interest in reporting this incident. My former therapist owns her own practice with her husband, and I believe that situation was very nuanced and that she did everything she determined to be the most ethical for my care. Personally, as someone training to be a therapist, it really stresses to me the importance of regular supervision for ethical care of our clients. I know some people were concerned for my wellbeing, especially in my DMs, I did learn a ton of coping skills in my time with my therapist, so I’m handling it. It’s been rough, because I have some really intense emotional wounds that were reopened. Trauma thoughts definitely like to focus on self-sabotage and self-blame, but I do have all the tools I need to work through it. Thank you for taking the time to read, to offer comfort, or to provide feedback. My request is any further commentary is there to provide compassion and understanding to both sides of the coin for any future therapists and clients reading that may be in a similar situation.

ORIGINAL POST:

I’ve been working with my therapist for 3.5 years. My background is pretty heavy, so lots of unpacking trauma. We were currently talking about having me explore my creative side again after shutting out writing for a really long time. She mentioned a book about women finding creativity from their “womb” energy, and I didn’t really resonate with the suggestion. I told her that I feel like many women don’t have a womb or may have health issues that would impact their abiiity to feel connected to that part of their body and asked if she had another suggestion. My therapist got very defensive and upset with me, and said that I shifted the conversation to bring up a conflict with her. The vibe change was shocking. I had never seen her act this way in all our time working together. I began sobbing, apologizing for offending her, but utterly confused.

After a week, I reached out to schedule a session again despite still feeling super confused about what transpired. Immediately into the session, she shared that she sought council, and didn’t realize she had so much countertransference. She said we were similar people with similar issues, so she could no longer be my therapist. She said she shared the situation with her husband, who is also a therapist, and that he was willing to meet with me in the meantime before I find someone new… which that suggestion made me feel very uneasy. She seemed like she hating being there talking to me at all… so while crying I asked if I should just go and she said fair, yeah, you can go.

And that’s where we left it. 3.5 years of finally finding a therapist I felt I could trust, building a rapport and going through so much while leaning on this person… to then feel like she despises me. I’m so confused and in shock. I feel that her discussing me with her husband feels like a confidentiality breech despite him being a therapist too. I always had her in my corner to talk to, and now that’s gone, because of one opinion that I shared causing so much distress? The first half of that “conflict” session even was going really well and had me feeling really supported. I just would love any insight on…. What happened here? Is this normal? Where do I go from here? I feel completely lost. I’ve physically thrown up at times, I feel as though someone close to me has died. The realization that I absolutely cannot talk to her ever again after sharing things I’ve never shared with anyone… it just is making me feel so sick and so exposed. I feel totally fucked up.

If you read this, thank you, because I just need a place to soundboard and help gain some understanding.