It’s been awhile

1 year 2 months from Dday. My husband has started to hold me and be affectionate spontaneously. We are good.

It makes me very happy and very sad. I love him (“how?” you probably ask yourself when I engaged in a vile thing such as an affair)

The before is gone; and I don’t know if he will ever truly believe that I love him again. I do love him, and most of all I want what is best for his well-being with or without me. I hope he lets me support him (I hope to as a wife, but if that’s too broken and he can’t trust me, then as a friend)

There aren’t enough I’m sorries or turning around my actions to ever fully erase the actions I took. It drowns me most days but I can’t take it back I can’t change it. I can only accept and acknowledge the hurt and do my best to mend it.

I just hope and pray we can truly heal and become better one day.