I don’t feel accepted in these communities nor want to conform

I am not a “prison wife”. I don’t identify as that label. I am the gf to someone who is currently inaccessible. I feel like I am expected to conform to be a certain kind of person from others in the community and I’m not.

I don’t want to get my man’s name tattooed on me. I don’t want to sit waiting by the phone for a message or call. I will not sacrifice my personal care and luxuries (eyelashes, hair, make up, expensive food for me and the cat) so I can send him more money. I want to go to a hot country over Xmas with my girlfriend instead of going to cold ass Idaho to visit him. I party all weekend and work all week. I want to enjoy having a social life without guilt. I expect this man to meet the expectations I have within the capacity he has and I become strict and boundaried when those expectations aren’t met. I’m loud and brash and opinionated and I don’t want to mute myself.

I feel the community [mainly on facebook] makes me feel that once this “label” is bestowed upon me I have to become completely selfless and dotting individual and make this man my whole life and sacrifice my joys because he’s having it so hard. Whilst also dealing with the hierarchal bullshit of being an MWI whilst also finding resistance sometimes when reaching out to make new friends. I can’t have differing opinions or be fierce. I should have a higher tolerance. He supports how I am from in there more than the communities out here. He don’t make me feel bad for having a life or being me. While I sound like a “nightmare” as someone put it, that man gets everything he needs, emotionally, mentally, financially and is not wanting for nothing.

Sorry, this is not personal, this is genuine vent. I just am starting to feel a way about who I am and want to be in my relationship by others and it’s unfair. I don’t care how anyone else is with their men. Leave me to be how I am with mine.