Wife is upset about my job

Hi redditors, I have a conundrum. My wife and I have two kids in private school, sports and activities. We together have worked hard as a couple to create a great life (nice home, nice school, nice things) and I’m really grateful for all of it. My wife took a leave from working when our kids were born to raise our kids and be a stay at home mom for many years. Our kids are thriving as a result, and a few years ago she decided to re-enter the workforce which I’ve been completely supportive of. Her job and line of work is flexible (real estate), so her time is somewhat flexible.

Lately though, she is very unhappy with my job. I’ve always traveled for my job (maybe 1-2x monthly, like Monday - Thursday), and as a result has put a larger burden on her when I’m gone to cover the kid duties. And most recently she’s said she wants me to change jobs so I am not traveling anymore. The problem is this: our lives are completely funded by my income. Hers, while helpful, is highly unpredictable and much less than mine. As an example - first 8 months of last year she made nearly nothing. And over the last 3 years, she’s made less and less each year. Even if we wanted to lean on her as the breadwinner (and trust me, I’d be fully supportive if it worked), her income is nowhere near what our living costs are. And my income is not easily replaceable with another job.

I should mention: when I’m home I’m 100% about the kids, their activities, bedtime routines, homework, etc. I love it, and I love doing what I can to invest into them. We have super close relationships and it’s the most cherished thing I have in my life.

The frustrations she has are reaching a fever pitch, and she’s moved from general frustration to expecting me to change everything on my end, and fast. I tried to point out that our lifestyle would need to dramatically change (i.e. no private school, much more humble of a home, cars, vacations, etc). It will take time to remove these costs from our lives before I could walk away from my job.

Bigger picture: we’ve (together) made some bad investment decisions in the last few years and have dug a bit of a hole for ourselves to climb out of (long story, not that interesting). With my income presently, we can do that. But that means sticking with my current job for a bit longer while we catch up. Our financial planner has worked with us on all of this including a catch up plan. But with my wife’s disposition, I’m not sure she would tolerate my job long enough to get ourselves whole again. She’s also not willing to look at a different line of work for herself…which I struggle with as it’s not dependable and has been declining for 3 years.

What I can’t seem to figure out is this: in her mind, I should just leave my job (like today), flip a switch and find something less demanding. I am looking at the whole picture trying to figure out how to balance financial security for us as a couple, family, lifestyle, future college savings and eventual retirement, all while making my wife happy.

How can I approach this differently with her to find a common ground?

TIA.