Feeling out of place

Greetings and thanks to whoever is reading this. I’m a 14 y/o girl who grew up in Germany, and would like to talk openly about my thoughts on my return to Libya maybe; trying to seek for any advice or comfort from the Libyan community.

I moved to Germany when I was just two years old (I’m a 2010 liner) and spent my entire life there until September 2024, when my parents decided we should return to Libya so I could complete my 3rd preparatory year. It wasn’t my choice, and honestly, I struggled with the decision. My Arabic isn’t strong, so they enrolled me in a private school, hoping it would help me adapt better. But instead of easing the transition, it’s only made me feel more out of place.

Libyans are so different from what I’m used to. They’re loud, rude, and aggressive, often yelling, insulting, or even hitting each other as if it’s normal. Empathy and kindness seem like foreign concepts here. It breaks my heart to see how little regard they have for others’ feelings, and it shocks me that this behavior is accepted. Sometimes, I feel embarrassed to share the same ethnicity because I’ve grown up so differently. I’m grateful for my childhood in Europe because it taught me how to communicate with respect and maturity—things I rarely see here.

I’ve been in school for three months now, and I haven’t made a single friend. It’s not that I haven’t tried, but I just don’t connect with anyone. Most of my classmates don’t seem to care about their deen; they’re consumed by dunya, and their priorities feel so shallow. Deep down, I know I wouldn’t want them as friends, but the loneliness still gets to me. I spend most of my time alone, and while I’m grateful to have my family, it’s not the same as having someone my age who understands me.

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t belong here at all. I miss Germany, where people were kind, where maturity wasn’t tied to aggression, and where I never had to question my place. Libya feels so foreign to me, even though it’s supposed to be my home. It’s hard to imagine myself ever thinking or acting like the people around me. It’s a painful reminder of how disconnected I feel, not just from this place but from the idea of belonging anywhere.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever truly feel at home here. It’s like I’m stuck between two worlds—one I barely remember and one that doesn’t seem to accept me. I feel like I’m walking through life with a constant ache in my chest, longing for a place where I fit in, where I don’t have to explain myself or constantly adjust. I see people around me forming connections, laughing together, and living in a way that feels so distant from me. I watch them, and it feels like I’m on the outside looking in, trapped in my own thoughts.

I keep telling myself that things will get better, that eventually, I’ll find a way to adapt, but it’s hard to stay hopeful when every day feels like a reminder of how different I am. The thought of being stuck here, in a place where I don’t feel understood, is overwhelming. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere, with people who see me for who I am—not just a foreigner in their land.