I can't stand overly lyrical reviews

I've been on Letterboxd for five years now, and every year my confusion and dislike of this particular type of review grows. It's those reviewers that use some godforsaken words they found in an 18th century thesaurus and then they proceed to write the most confusing, nonsensical word vomit known to man. Somehow, they achieve levels of purple prose not seen since 19th century romanticism. I would rather not give concrete examples, because that is mean. But some of these people have rather large followings and you know at least one of those profiles.

I at least understand the one sentence joke reviews. They are meant to elicit a quick giggle. I find them annoying, but at least I can understand them. Same with looooooong essays trying to sell some half assed political point. 99% of the time they end up an incoherent ramble. But I can understand where they come from.

But these fucking lyrical reviews. What's the point? They are sometimes over a 1000 words long and say nothing about the film when you think about it. Do you people like this style of review? To me, it reads like posturing. And it is the worst kind of posturing. Trying to appear sophisticated and complex.