Dating an AVOIDANT is TRAUMATIC AF
Dating an avoidant is traumatic, istg. It was like walking into a relationship where the rules kept changing, and I didn’t always get the memo. Before pre-judging me, please read the whole thing. PLS. I really need to share these things to other people instead of her lang kasi ayoko na sya makausap kahit kailan.
Everything felt really steady sa umpisa. Very charming and mabait. But over time, she started intermittently doing this shit of pulling back in small ways that didn’t feel small at all. Texts became shorter, her energy felt different, and it was like I was slowly being edged out without any explanation. She wouldn’t talk about it either. Kapag tinatanong ko kung may problema, the answer was always, “Everything’s fine,” kahit halatang hindi na talaga.
Then, she started nitpicking. The small flaws she used to overlook (or even say she found charming) suddenly became deal-breakers. She made it seem like everything wrong with the relationship was my fault. Parang may checklist siya of reasons to justify breaking up, and she clung to those reasons so she wouldn’t have to admit she was already emotionally checked out. It was her classic avoidant behavior, turning my imperfections into her excuse for running away, while making me feel like shit about myself kahit ibigay mo na lahat and di ka naman nagchcheat.
When she finally ended-ended things, it was so cold and impersonal na parang simpleng transaction lang. She sent a text telling me she’d been over it for some time and didn’t think we should continue. No discussion, no closure. She ghosted me completely after that, even after pretending na she wanted to stay friends. Even before I could even fully process what happened, nalaman ko na she had already moved on to someone else (or some people because of her high libido na ina-announce nya pa sa comsecs dito sa reddit tangina).
She didn’t just move on, she ran full-speed into something new, parang kailangan niya ng panakip-butas para hindi ma-feel yung emptiness na iniwan niya sa sarili niya. She started sleeping around, jumping into relationships or situationships, as if the newness and excitement could erase whatever she was running from. But the thing about the grass-is-greener mentality? It doesn’t last. Eventually, she’d realize na the “greener grass” wasn’t better, just different.
That’s when the cycle reared its head again. Out of nowhere, she broke no-contact. After months of silence, she reached out like nothing happened, hoping to reel me back in. By then, though, I had finally started to see the pattern for what it was. She wasn’t coming back because she had changed. She was coming back because her new distractions (guys) didn’t work out, and she wanted the comfort of something familiar.
Looking back, I can see how calculated it all was. She nitpicked my flaws to feel justified in leaving. She ran to someone else to avoid the hard work of facing herself. And when things didn’t work out the way she hoped, she circled back, expecting me to still be there. It was never about love or connection. It was always about her avoiding discomfort, avoiding accountability, and avoiding growth.
I used to blame myself, thinking maybe I wasn’t enough or I had done something wrong. Pero now I know that no matter what I did, the cycle would’ve played out the same way. This is her pattern, and until she decides to break it, it’s not going to change.
If you’re dating someone like this, good luck. Although ayoko naman mag-generalize, know na you’ll never be enough for someone who can’t sit with their own feelings or face their own flaws. They’ll run, blame you, and come back when they realize they haven’t outrun their problems. Don’t let them drag you into their cycle. Move on, let them deal with their grass, and find someone who knows how to stay. You deserve better than someone who keeps leaving.