How to start dating again
My ex and I broke up for good in August. I caught him using drugs 3x in 8 weeks after he swore to me he had been sober for 2 years and promised he would never lie to me about drugs or relapsing again. I gave him ENDLESS chances over the last 5 years and always found room in my heart for him even after he betrayed me but this summer something changed.. it was like the straw that broke the camels back. Suddenly I had no more room for him in my heart. He betrayed me for the last time. It’s a relief no longer feeling chained to that relationship and it feels empowering knowing I reclaimed my power and revoked the access he had to me. I met him when I was 22. He was 35. He had been addicted to crack / coke / weed since he was 16. I honestly didn’t understand addiction at 22 and I loved him; I believed all of his lies because I wanted him to change and I wanted to believe he could. Looking back on the relationship I wish I could go back in time and HUG my younger self. She never deserved any of it. The crack made him CRAZY (which he was smoking in secret for the first 3 years of our long distance relationship). He was physically abusive multiple times. He also suffers from severe mental illness which he was also never honest about. He only told me his mom is bipolar one year ago and that he was institutionalized before too and had several arrests for anger management/violence issues. He actually lost his passport because he physically assaulted a public transportation officer. I can’t believe I dated him!!!!!!!! Yikes. Long story short it was a horrible and abusive relationship. He betrayed me on so many levels.
It’s been 3 months since the break up and I would love to share special moments with someone and have that human connection again But I don’t know where to start…. My soul feels violated from that past relationship. I’ve gone out a couple times since but I feel guarded when I’m out. Too guarded to meet anyone. Any tips on how to start dating again and feel confident again after being with an abuser? I miss how happy and light I was before meeting him. It’s like he killed a part of my inner child