Questioning what the hell is wrong with me

I have always had on and off mental health problems, I’ve suffered from bouts of depression, anorexia and have a history of self harm, there is also a history of mental health issues in my family (i believe my grandad had bipolar but it was never properly talked about, and my dad has had depression in the past) i also was a victim of COCSA, the aftermath of which left me incredibly confused and i pushed the emotions i felt following this for years.

More recently i have felt as though there is something else at play, particularly BPD. I have always had an incredibly unstable sense of self and i struggle immensely to regulate my emotions and even the smallest thing can make me spiral. I’ve noticed my symptoms even more ever since being in a relationship and i have to try so hard to not feel like im going insane. Even things as small as my boyfriend going out with his friends makes me feel like he doesnt care about me and i feel as though i’m being abandoned. He has told me i am too negative a lot and i have struggled to get on with his friends due to previous bad interactions in which in my head, if they offend me i see them as completely bad people until they redeem themselves. This has been so bad it almost caused a break up and since then i have promised to be better, and i am currently trying to be less of a control freak/attachment issues weirdo because i know it will only end badly for me. I cant help but believe that i am not worthy of the love i recieve from my partner or from anyone for that matter, so much so that i dont even see it and see their actions as superficial

I have tried to speak to doctors about this but me being a woman and on birth control means they dont take me seriously and think my problems stem from being on the pill lol, any help would be appreciated