Am I broken forever

Hi I’m 24 and have suspected eupd . It’s not diagnosed but I have had a doctor, psychiatrist and a mental health assessor tell me. The doctor told me I can’t get a diagnosis and have to go to something called reds therapy but cause my head is so messed up and I literally can’t stick to anything and miss appointments I never went.

I feel like as the years go by I’m getting worse my brain genuinely feels like it’s on fire most days. I can go from feeling so manic and unstoppable to feeling like I’d rather be better off dead in a second. It’s also having an effect on my heart I get constant palpitations and my heart starts racing over the most minor thoughts. I don’t know what to do constantly feeling like I’ve got an itch that’s imbedded in my brain that I can’t scratch. I hurt the people around me and make irrational decisions that I regret. I don’t know how to love anymore and think everyone’s out to get me I will think up the most ridiculous scenarios and convince my self I’ve finally hit the nail on the head what do I do 😞.