How can I discuss about kink without making people act passive agressive towards me?

me[25m]
So the convo went like:

Ema: I hate pegging, I did it once. I didn’t like it.

Me: Do you do hip thrust workout in gym?

Ema: I didn’t like it because I’m not interested in it. Not due to any discomfort or physical ability.

violet: I don't see how hip thrusting links to pegging. No strap-on is 30+ kilos.

Ema: Yeah that comment about the gym felt very shamey….

Me to violet: similar movement , I sometimes use the leg curl machine to do it to save time

Me to Ema: so how was I supposed to ask? or not ask at all ?

Ema to me: You could have said “what don’t you like about it?” Instead of asking about my physical fitness, or assuming that it was an issue with my ability to hip thrust.

Me to Ema: I try to be passionate about workout. In my gym , if I see a new person doing improper form , I try to gently remind them the proper form. It was not my intention to mean anything else other than that.

Ema to me: Okay but I didn’t say anything about my workout.

I'm being series. Why is that out of nowhere people in kink community become so defensive and act like I'm personally attacking them? I AM NOT. I'm just talking , getting to know / chit chatting.
How is my above convo any different from me asking a guy this :

Idris: I hate asp.net , those c# syntaxes feels weird to me

Me: Do you know OOP ?

Idris: I don't like asp.net because I don't like it, Not because I bunked my 2nd semester theory lectures. Brandi Love: How is object oriented programming related to asp.net ???

Idris: Yeah, this guy was being shamey

So um.... I'm willing to learn if I'm the bad guy here. But its irritating , this feeling I'm being made to feel that I'm making someone else feel bad whereas all I did was ask an innocent question.
As ridiculous as it sounds, teach me how to "talk" .