Being a straight bottom is depressing

I’m 30 now. I moved to nyc when I was 20. I joined the apps, went on FL, went to a few munches (that all ended up being 80% dudes). Went to a couple femdom events (where I was basically just treated like I was unwanted and like they were mad at me for even showing up) I’ve put myself out there as a sub and it’s felt like I was yelling at a brick wall this whole time.

I don’t know why but I just can’t do PIV sex I get too nervous or something idk. But I feel so natural as a bottom. Like that next level click in the head only happens when I’m in subspace with someone who has that assertiveness confidence to them. I moved away from my small town to nyc literally thinking the type of person who would be into me would surely be here.

It’s been 9 years since and the most I’ve come close to is a few girls just kinda really curious about topping but definitely not super into it. And all ghosting me soon after “trying it out”.

Idk like if you met me I almost feel you’d see I have such bottom energy (in an upbeat way!) but like I can’t date traditionally, and just lie and pretend I’m not a bottom. But dating as a sub isn’t easier. If it hasn’t happened here in nyc yet, (and yes I’m still on all the apps) then at this point I think I should just give up and move to northern Canada in a cabin in the woods where I can just fuck off and not bother society with trying to pretend to accept me.

And I get it…the vast majority of women don’t want a submissive guy. I understand. I just don’t understand why it’s this hard to find the few that do.