I am thinking of moving out and letting my best friend struggle on her own. But I don’t know when to tell her.

For context. I (23 F) and my best friend (24 F) have been best friends for over 10 years now.

My family and I have been helping her for as long as I can remember. Sheltering her when things were rough at home. We’ve considered her as another family member forever now.

Recently in the past 2-3 years my parents have loaned her 1300+ dollars and even helped her in more financial ways than they actually had means to do (her parents aren’t exactly present in her life, and never really have been. They’ve always stepped in to be the parents she doesn’t have). But, the money they loaned her they settled a deal that she would pay them back as she could when she could. She has only paid them maybe $50… that was over a year ago. Since then, we’ve moved out into our own place. And since moving in it only has she financially been unstable to the point I gained almost $1000 in credit card debt, but she managed to lose her car, quit a job, spends all her money and is in constant debt to me for bills and rent payments. It’s gotten to the point that we’ve had multiple discussions because I am soooo tired and angry about the situation and how it’s making me feel, I work full time and recently got promoted but I make $2 over minimum wage in my state. Which is not much at all in this economy as many of us probably are familiar with. I’m financially capable of supporting myself, but supporting another person and their pets (I only have one pet because I cannot fathom having another and not being able to support that pet properly), myself and paying up front a majority of the stuff while my best friend just does whatever she so pleases constantly going negative because she spends all her money within days of being paid (which she’s only paid maybe $400 a week) has become mentally and physically exhausting.

She’s supposed to be starting a new job soon that pays more than I get paid. But I’m worried since she has never had self control and constantly has had a habit of spending her money super fast (even with budget books, multiple people sitting down and talking to her etc.) she’s still going to rely on me to pay for majority and will continue to be in debt to me. My parents already have accepted their loss of money and have given up helping her at all. They’re frankly extremely disappointed in her because of what it is doing to me. I’ve cried to them so many times asking what else I can do to try and keep us afloat and they tell me it’s up to her.

Another key note about her is, she’s currently on the verge of entering a new relationship. And she has a habit of moving extremely quick, and completely forgetting everyone else around her when she’s in a relationship. The two of them are pretty much the same person. She’s gone broke multiple times already just going out with this person and spending money she doesn’t have. Previously in relationships it was the same way. Even going as far as moving in with an ex of hers within 2 months of dating. Each relationship she’s been in she’s only gotten more financially irresponsible because she depends on them to support her life.

Our lease ends in late summer, but I’m considering not telling her I want to go our separate ways until around May or June. Mostly because I’m scared she’s going to make me feel guilty for abandoning her. But also because I’m getting a little spiteful. Without the help of myself or my parents she wouldn’t be in this position at all. Frankly I don’t know where she would be and that terrifies me. I love her to death, but I can’t keep jeopardizing our relationship and my own self any longer I don’t think. If I move, 90% of our houses furnishings, appliances and really overall everything goes with me. She would keep what few dishes she has and all of her bedroom and bathroom supplies but everything else either I or my parents paid for or were gifted.

So AITAH if I decide to essentially give up on her, take everything and leave her with basically nothing, for my own sanity, financial, emotional reasons and for the sake of our friendship? I don’t want to lose her. But I’m afraid if we re sign the lease she is going to continue abusing my generosity and kindness.

Edit// more information:

Her and I have had 3-4 conversations including our most recent being yesterday.

I would hate to see her struggle and potentially fail. I don’t want to be the person that causes her failure. But, she’s burned soo many bridges that really mine and this potential future partner of hers are the only ones truly remaining.

A lot of people have stopped helping including family of hers that were willing to help. She’s in debt to many family members in the past who gave up more than they could for her but refuse to help her now, my family, myself, and even to utility companies. She’s taken blow after blow on her credit score to the point a part of me is afraid of leaving because I’m not sure she can actually find new housing.

Myself being on the lease allowed her the opportunity to move. If I had not co-signed her, she would not have been able to get a place. Though I’ve had some credit decrease I’ve made improvements on it significantly already. I’ve been silently working hard to put as much money into my debts (I also have my own personal student debts) to rebuild my credit loss. And it’s been working slowly so I’ll still be secure to move on my own.

I guess the better person in me is wanting to continue to help even if it’s harming me significantly because I don’t want to feel like I’m the cause of her failure. I know it won’t necessarily be my fault as she has had so much help, counseling from therapists and people around her, everyone who has ever tried to help push her in the “right” direction so to speak, all trying to make sure she doesn’t fail. I’ve failed before and I’m fortunate enough that my parents welcomed me home, but she’s not as fortunate because she has burned every bridge with any family member who previously housed or tried to help her.