Do you think you're too problematic to be a youtuber?

I am a bitch. I suck. Granted I'm 15 but still. I did something HORRIBLE to a former friend. They had abusive parents and they hung out with me to escape from them. I didn't care(I wanted to but I somehow didn't) and treated them like shit. I acted like I was doing them a favor by hanging out with them. But I don't feel anything. I feel scared about the co sequences but I just can't feel any remorse. I feel like there's something genuinely wrong with me or atleast I have a lot to work on. I also want to make content. I want a platform where I can make art and express myself since I don't think that's going to be my job. And it's going to involve me talking about my life which includes the horrible stuff I did and will do probably. But I've seen people do less horrible shit get canceled and their lives are absolutely ruined. What do I do?