Bullies are Selectively Cruel

Why are bullies only cruel to certain people? Why are they so nasty to someone for no apparent reason? Especially when you've been nothing but kind to them.

I've had bullies hate me on sight. Literally from my first day on the job. They instantly refuse to train me or start spreading rumors about me on day one.

My theory is that bullies don't respect their victims. They can comfortably treat you like worthless garbage when they view you as "low" on the social heirarchy.

It's easy for them to demean and harass a dehumanized victim.

Bullies have several motivations for their bullying. They can be jealous or feel threatened by the target, they can be sadists who enjoy the thrill of bullying, they may feel judged or threatened by a target who is too "different", they may merely be bigots, or they might bully out of boredom.

The common trait all bullies share is a lack of respect & empathy for their victims. Bullies harass others when they KNOW they can get away with it. If you are a weak, pushover who has poor social skills or no allies...you may be prey for bullies.

I don't think bullies are sociopaths, since I've witnessed them have genuine compassion and respect for the "right" kind of people (typically tall white men with authority or status).

Infact, many of my bullies were desperate for validation and approval of men or supervisors with authority in the workplace.

They specifically targeted women and minorities (even when they are also members of these groups themselves). Quiet men or "weak men" are also easy prey.

Bullies get especially viscous if someone they deem as "lower" on the hierarchy than them is better educated, better looking, younger, a harder worker, or outshines them in some way. This is particularly threatening to the bully's ego. They no longer feel "superior", even through they think they SHOULD be superior.

I've had bullies steal from me, lie about me, sabotage me, publicly humiliate me, sexually harass me, and treat me like garbage. And it really boils down to (1) a lack of respect and (2) assurance that they will "get away" with it.

So in order to avoid bullying, you have to strengthen your boundaries, garner more allies and respect in the workplace, and be in a position of authority (or at least command repsect). Do not be a doormat.

Bullies do not respond to kindness (they view it as weak & easy to take advantage or dominate). You have to speak their language. Bullies respond to power and authority. Stand up for yourself if they confront you, push back against their lies, don't be actively rude, but you can't show weakness or be a pushover.