The reality of not having it all

I've seen so many posts like mine, but I just need a safe space to vent ❤️

Does anyone feel like you "have it all" but there is still something missing, especially career wise?

15 years ago I moved literally across the globe for my career. I had a clear plan of getting work experience, get a masters degree and go on to save the world.

I ended up landing a 'dream job' at a non-profit. After ten years, it feels more like a professional limbo than anything else. I work from home, I get to travel to awesome places every now and then, it's a very "cushy" job. But the pay is shit and it is very stressful most of the time. My manager is a boomer, who doesn't have a clue on supporting me with growing inside the organization, and it kills me to see younger colleagues from other teams getting promoted to sr. managers and directors, while I've been a manager the whole time I've been at this job.

I had my daughter 3 years ago, and I do have a wonderful husband and help in the house. It's wonderful to see her at home every day. I should be grateful, right? But everyday I feel llike I'm failing myself and the dreams I had. I love being a mom, but I'm still clinging to my own dreams as a person.

I'm currently pregnant with my second child. We are excited, especially since we had a long (and expensive) journey with IVF. But I know that in a few months I will go back to the newborn trenches, lol, and I won't have the time and energy to think about my career. I don't want to spend the next 1-2 years in this limbo.

I'm terrified to look for a new job. How can I show up for interviews with a bump? It doesn't make sense to make a career change while pregnant. There are very few jobs in my sector at the moment.

But I can't change the feeling that if I don't do it now, I might regret not doing it later.

Thank you for listening to my rant.