Getting into the thick of it, and didn't expect wedding planning to hurt my feelings so much

So the first thing we've done is the invite list and i'm already quietly crying in the shower because I don't want my fiancé to feel bad about my embarrassment. We are eloping in the middle of nowhere with a photog and officiant and it will be wonderful... but we are having a small reception a month after we get married in the fall so that's ultimately what we are planning for right now. Rings are bought, photographer is booked. That's about all we've done.

To Preface... I have a really weird, estranged family dynamic. I left my parents church in 2019 and they (and the community i grew up in) shunned me for abandoning 'the fold'. So my relationship with them is not good. This past year my dad nearly died from a health incident and I've been somewhat involved again to help him with his hospitalization so the relationship has somewhat improved, but not to the extent either of my parents would attend my wedding reception. A bunch of my siblings would come if they could but I suspect they will chicken out last minute due to pressure from my mom not to support me.

Extended family has all left this church as well and are normal and pleasant. But we aren't close enough I think for them to feel compelled to attend my reception - plus they are still very religious and i'm not sure they approved of me and my fiance living together.

So we split up the list into "probably yes" and "probably no". Once we finished I noticed all of the "probably no" side was my family. It left us with about 40 "probably yes" attendees out of 60 and It just made me feel really weird knowing that at most i'd have about 4 close friends in attendance and my brother and his wife.

The other thing that I just felt really choked up about (although grateful)... was that my fiances parents just sent us a few transfers to help with the cost. Suddenly our photographer is paid for and half the venue costs are looked after as a result. I feel embarassed about it, not because i'm unappreciative of their generous efforts... but that they knew no one would contribute from my side and they didn't want us to have to shoulder the whole cost. It makes me happy for their support, but also ashamed of my parents behavior.