Tea ceremony, family drama, advice please?

Long story short - I have been bridesmaid many times at weddings where we have the tea ceremony and the normal wedding on the same day, and it has been exhausting. 1.30/2AM wake ups. I have ALWAYS expressed to my parents that I will not have the tea ceremony on the same day. They never said anything. A few months ago, they even said that maybe that would be a solution to include other family members that wont be invited to the wedding (there are about 80 family members just on my side, so I cannot invite them all).

On the weekend the same conversation came up, my mother got aggressive, said it would be meaningless to do it earlier, if I don't do it the same day to not do one at all. I just kept repeating I didn't want to be tired. She stood up, stormed out and slammed the door. After this all happened, my dad tried to negotiate with me having a smaller ceremony (meaning presenting tea to JUST them and not having to have a whole elaborate red dress etc). Which I was okay with. But I don't want to fold on account of that behaviour.

A few days later I called my mum to see if she still wanted to come dress shopping. Basically, long story short, she exploded again. Yelled at me over the phone. I didn't continue to refuse, I was just trying to explain to her that I didn't know it was so important to be on the same day etc, that we'd never had any conversations about it, and she now kept yelling "WELL NOW YOU KNOW!!!" and then said to me that my wedding has brought nothing but misery to everyone.

I now don't want to get married at all. Or I feel like I need to elope. My venue deposit is due today, and I am trying to push myself to go ahead because I don't want to make decisions influenced by this. But I am struggling to not feel anxious and upset and feel anxious about the problems that will come later, in which case there will be no escape for me as I'd have paid for the wedding.

What would you do?

Edit: I realised I may have framed my question poorly and put too much emphasis on the situation - the situation is mostly resolved in that we will compromise to a smaller tea ceremony. I guess my fear is, our wedding budget is looking like 60-70k which we were willing to spend. For us it was dream wedding or none at all, but I fluctuate often about whether it is worth it for one day. But now, with this level of drama/emotional anguish/distress, I am scared of spending it and coming out with nothing but mental anguish... so I guess I wanted to hear from people who have had similar conflicts, whether they regret their decision to still have the wedding or elope? At the crux of it, I do want this wedding. But I'm scared to spend the money and have nothing but ruined relationships, and mental and emotional turmoil.