Recommendations for woo-free massage, preferably in uptown or downtown?

Edit: Wow, thank you all for an overwhelming number of great responses! I'll be working through this list for a while, and I bet this list will help a lot of people in the future.

My back is killing me and my Google search results have been... interesting.

I do not need someone who thinks they have "Healing Light" passing through their hands, I am pretty sure I don't have any chakras to align, and "a shift in my energetic system" sounds really uncomfortable.

I'm just looking for a good, solid deep tissue massage. Female practitioner preferred but not required. Bonus points for a relaxing ambience and things that smell good.

Who's your favorite?