I don't like going outside

I haven't gone outside for a long time, my parents do the groceries and I had no school for 2 years. When I am outside I just blank out and walk with no purpose.

It feels so empty when I'm standing outside and people stare at me but I don't look at them.

I just sit and stare at the ground doing nothing, I have no one or friends to go outside with or do fun activities, I have never been camping and I'm 20.

I don't know how to talk because I never had friends or have actual conversation with anyone My whole life and I'm not lying,

I just went to grocery for first time after long time with my dad to buy many junk food and over eat when I got home.

I think to myself why am I even here I'm so ugly.

I can't do anything, my life is so boring

I don't know but I wish I was a pretty blonde girl but I know people would still stare at me outside if I was, but they will think a beautiful girl and not some ugly freak.