Explosive Family Drama: My Dad Screamed at My Partner in Front of Our Toddler – What Do I Do?

Need advice about my dad’s behavior during family gatherings.

Hi everyone, I’m sorry this is so long, but I’m really struggling and would love some advice.

Over the weekend, my dad exploded at my partner in front of our toddler, and I’m still reeling from it.

For context, my dad insists that all big family events, especially Christmas, must be hosted at his home. He’s very particular about things being done his way, and if we don’t agree, he sulks or gets upset. My partner and I have a young child, and traveling to his house—about a 90-minute drive each way—is exhausting, especially on holidays. We’ve tried to compromise by spending Christmas at home with my partner’s family and then visiting my dad a week later for a “private” family celebration. No one else in the family enjoys this arrangement, but we go along with it to avoid drama.

This year, we arrived at my dad’s house around lunchtime, expecting the meal to be ready soon after. Instead, my dad had been drinking heavily since the morning. My aunt was also there, which annoyed him because he only wanted immediate family present. Lunch kept getting delayed, and by 3 p.m., my partner reminded me we had to head home soon to prepare for the workweek.

I told my dad we needed to leave in an hour, and that’s when everything fell apart. He started slamming cabinets, banging dishes, and making a mess in the kitchen. Then he stormed over to my partner, who was holding our child, and shouted, “This is your fault, isn’t it? You always want to leave early! Is this what you wanted?”

I lost my temper. I told my dad, “You will not talk to my partner like that.” I told my partner to grab our child’s things, and my dad immediately started apologizing, but the damage was done.

The rest of the meal was awkward. My dad kept trying to joke about what happened, poking fun at himself, but it didn’t sit right with anyone. Afterward, my mom followed me to the car, crying and apologizing for his behavior. She said, “I’d never put your child in danger, I’m so sorry you had to deal with this.” I hugged her and left.

Since then, my dad has been calling nonstop. He apologized to my partner and said he’s contacted a counselor, but I haven’t spoken to him yet. I’m not sure what to say.

Here’s where I need advice:

I’m tired of these second Christmases and feel like they’re more about him maintaining control than spending time together. I don’t want to keep dragging my family there, especially after this incident.

How do I approach this conversation with my dad? I think he needs to stick with therapy, but I’m worried about making things worse.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.