TIFU by cheating with my coworker and planning to run away together

Throwaway to protect identity.

I work in international live events that take weeks to pull off. I typically coordinate them, and work with a team to install and operate. I'm close with my coworkers, but we live across the world and fly in to every event. I've met most of my coworkers in person, but this event we had someone new working sound, Clint. I'd seen him in Zoom calls but we hadn't interfaced directly.

This event was a big one for the company - big headliner and big partners with a lot of money being tossed around. I arrived at the install, got caught up to speed, met Clint, and got to work. One by one, my coworkers were sent off to other events. Clint and I were left to finish everything up, but bad weather and huge letdowns by one of our vendors had us in hot water.

We started working 15-20 hour days to get everything done on time. After our long haul days, Clint and I would hang out and blaze (legally). We had a lot in common, and were vibing like neither of us felt before. We were both married, unhappily. His wife had a bunch of medical problems and was really good at spending money and never leaving school. My husband had turned into an angry person, had built up a pile of debt, and was not putting anything into the relationship.

It started out platonic, but things got extremely stressful and our sexual tension started building up. The lack of sleep, stress, and my lower tolerance for cannabis left me questioning everything about my life. We both felt like the other person was an extension of ourselves - we were kindred spirits. Slowly, Clint started making moves and suddenly dinners were turning into dates, and we were hanging out in each other's hotel rooms. We crossed many lines, but right as we crossed the final line, my brain kicked back in and we decided to take care of our lives before going further.

Over the last few days of the event, Clint and I continued to be close. We made plans to leave our spouses, sell our houses, and travel together. We created a bucket list of places to go, things to do and see together. We even talked about eventually building a little cabin. Clint had planned on getting a tattoo dedicated to me when he returned home.

At the end of the event, we went our separate ways and kept in touch virtually. Lots of sexting and unprofessionalism all around. We had agreed we wouldn't tell our partners about the affair as they each have mental health issues, but we planned to divorce and move on with our lives.

After a few days at home, I talked with my husband and asked for divorce. I told him I wanted to move away and start my life over. Clint talked to his wife, but things were messier. She was volatile, and her family made it difficult for Clint to outright leave her. Eventually I noticed Clint was becoming distant. Still sexual, but not as emotionally available. He sent me pictures of his new tattoos, which were nothing like what he had said he was planning to me. Alarm bells were going off in my head, but I kept plodding along, planning mine and our escape.

Clint went off to a series of anniversary-related dates with his wife, and kept leaving me on read. I asked him what was going on a number of times - finally after weeks of mixed signals, Clint told me he was having doubts. We video chatted during work, and he told me he owed it to his wife to try and make things work.

Now I'm left to pick up the pieces of my life. Most of my friends are my coworkers, so I have no one to talk to about my heartbreak. I don't have the money to fix my problems at home or to leave and live alone in another country. There's no going back with my husband as I know it would be wrong, and I'm no longer interested in carrying the relationship. I'll see Clint again in a few weeks at another event, where we'll likely be left alone for hours at a time, but he plans to stay faithful to his wife, and we never even got to have the mind-blowing sex we talked about.

TL;DR I fooled around with a coworker while traveling for work, got love bombed, made plans to move to another country together, told my husband I wanted a divorce, and got left with nothing but bad karma.