Disappointment but Kindness - Speaking with Thelemites and Original Thoughts

ETA: Thank you already to the responses I've received here. Kicking the question back to me with added supplemental reading is actually quite a restrained and elegant response, the more I reflect on it.

I'm very used to solution-driven discussions by the nature of my profession, and I didn't see the value of this type of response until now. It requires much more patience on my part.

It's unlikely I'll get more involved with the O.T.O., but now I'm leaving my first interaction with a better taste in my mouth.

And apologies for any implied shit-talking below. Please consider this a vent.

To preface, I don't identify as a Thelemite, but I've always been intrigued by some of the philosophies. I also understand that a small group of O.T.O. members do not represent Thelema, the O.T.O., or even other orders with similar ideology as a whole.

I've been having strange experiences recently, and found a local O.T.O. chapter holding a small get-together in a public venue. It wasn't a meeting per se, just some folks chatting. I was hoping to find a friendly place of individuals amiable towards my situation.

I approached them when their conversation died down.

They were extraordinarily kind, that is true. Welcoming, heard me out, patiently explained the topics I didn't have a grasp on. If any one of these individuals are reading this now, please, thank you again for your time and effort. Your graciousness was unmatched. Please don't interpret my disappointment as ungratefulness. This is one conversation in what could be a series of many.

When it came to ask them questions, one thing struck me immediately:

They could not answer a "How would you approach this" hypothetical question. They could only cite writings and works of others.

I suppose I hoped for some mutual brainstorming. Like, "Well, with what I know, I would approach the issue like this and ask these questions."

Instead, I heard "Such and such says" or "This Master wrote..."

I suppose I'm disappointed. I had hoped for a space of Free Thinkers who could answer based on their own Experience and Influence.

Instead I found partially digested Words of Others repeated back without the mesh filter of One's own thoughts.

As I said, I found their kindness and welcome incredibly humbling, and I appreciate their time and effort. I also understand that I'm an Outsider who functionally approached them off of the street. They don't owe me their mental labor.

But the lack of free thought outside of the words of widely accepted Masters - Is this endemic of Thelemites? To me, it felt no different from asking the same question to practitioners of conventional religion. "Pray the Rosary 10 times. Read this Scripture, my Child. Jesus said..."

No novel solutions or ideas.

Perhaps I've been spoiled by the wisdom of older Thelemites and Magicians - those who came of age in the 70s. I'm in my mid-20s and look to them often for guidance and interpretation.

When I mentioned to one of them that I was going to speak with the O.T.O. to find a "diversity of ideas and second opinions," he laughed and laughed.

"Good Luck," he said. And laughed some more.