Oh god the photos...

I just looked it up and my last drink was about 480 days ago. I recently had to pull up some photos from a few years ago and... guys it was alarming.

I looked terrible. In photo after photo from that era I kept seeing sad eyes, inflamed countenance, stressed mind, slightly poisoned spirit, oppressed soul... it immediately brought back a looming sense of misery, like unexpectedly noticing an abusive old enemy leering at me from across the street.

I think I'd feel similarly if instead of drinking I had been clawing my own face, pretending it was somehow good for me, and then seeing ugly scratch marks on my smiling face, surrounded by loved ones in photos of what should have been good times and happy memories.

God I'm sorry. What a waste. Why was I trying to destroy myself?

I can't go back to that.