Second guessing my bisalp scheduled tomorrow ðŸ˜
I'm 34 and have known I don't want kids since my mid 20s. It was a bit of a process for me over several years back then I have known I definitely don't want them for at least 8 years.
I could list 100 reasons being a parent, especially to a biological child, isn't right for me...I'm morally opposed to it, I struggle with insomnia and depression and would struggle with a baby in this regard, I like my child free lifestyle, I wouldn't want to stress financially, the responsibility would give me so much anxiety, the world feels too crazy, I don't want to be pregnant...those are just a few big ones but I've got many more!
I told myself if Trump won the election, I'd go ahead and get the procedure because we don't know what will happen to the ACA and while I live in a "safe" state re: abortion, theres a lot of uncertainty moving forward politically and I just want to feel secure knowing I can't get pregnant.
The thing is, my partner has a vasectomy. So the chances of me getting pregnant are very slim. But there's no guarantee I couldn't be r@ped by someone or what if we break up one day (not planning on it but things happen)? Up until yesterday, I felt fairly confident with my choice to maintain control and autonomy over my own body despite my partner's vasectomy. I think now the last minute anxiety has set in...and I'm not scared about the surgery itself but about the permancence. I keep having to walk myself through all the reasons I don't want kids and how they aren't in the cards at all in my life plan/trajectory (even writing this out helps a little right now). I think my biology is trying to trick me with what ifs that didn't plague me before. Morally, I'm more in line with fostering or adoption if I ever change my mind but my brain is really giving me hard time the last couple days. My surgery is TOMORROW.
Am I stupid for "doubling down" on the permanent birth control? Has anyone else struggled with their brain tricking them last minute? And I'm sure it's normal to still feel weird for a little while after the surgery...so I am just wondering if anyone's feeling or felt similar.