I Feel Like My Social Anxiety Is Uncommon

I honestly feel like I have a really strange and uncommon form of social anxiety. Maybe I'm wrong though, if other people feel the same way as me for sure reply.

Anyway, the reason I say that is because I don't give a f*ck about what other people think about me, generally speaking.

I used to. When I was like a teenager there was a time when I cared. I specifically cared a lot when it comes to very specific things. But nowadays, for the most part, I just don't care.

If people think I'm weird, no skin off my ass. I don't really care what they think.

Yet at the same time I have extremely high levels of social anxiety. I'm constantly scared of "doing something wrong" and when I have to talk to people I get a huge anxiety spike.

And most of the time it's not even about anything specific. It's not like I'm worrying about whether they'll like me or anything. In most cases I genuinely don't care. But I just feel anxiety nevertheless. Just automatically. And I feel this deep fear of doing something "wrong" or saying something "wrong" as well even though, again, I don't really care about the people's opinions of what I do.

It's like I want to not do anything wrong for myself. And I fear failing. And it's often like the anxiety is just there. For no reason.

My suspicion about it is that part of it is just classical conditioning. Where because there WAS a time when I cared a lot about what other people thought, that made me anxious talking to people, and in return being exposed to that anxiety again and again and again in that situation just conditioned me to feel anxious without a reason. Just automatically.

And the other part of it I think is just my parenting. My parents would often get very angry at me and sometimes even insult me for making a mistake or not doing something perfectly. And constant criticism of almost everything I did. And I think because of that I just have a deep fear of making mistakes that contributes to my anxiety.

Anyway, idk. I feel like I'm an outlier even among other people with social anxiety. Because I feel like for a lot of people with social anxiety a lot of it is driven by caring about what other people think. And I just don't care at all, but I still have really bad anxiety.