Have you ever truly changed?

(Appropriate question for NYE, eve I suppose)

My entire life I've craved a dramatic transformation. I've fantasized about my body or mind completely reinventing themselves in a short period of time. A gym routine finally clicking and making rapid progress on my physique. A softening of social anxiety and a move towards extroversion. A period of focus and hard work. As a religious teen I would pray for a vision or religious experience.

But no, I've always been steady. I have felt like "me" my whole life. I continue to make the same mistakes, and the same bad habits creep in and out of my life. My fears and insecurities have been constants. My interests have been fossilized since at least 18. My mood and disposition are consistent and repetitive. If I were to meet up with an ex, I am almost positive she would say "you haven't changed!"

I'm sure there have been changes, but they feel incremental and slow; variations on a theme. Yes, if I look back on 20 year old me, there are difference. I was more optimistic, naive, and silly. But me and him are much more alike than dissimilar.