Player mocks every step of the campaign. 

(Let it be known that all people in this story were in their mid-to-late twenties at the time of the occurrence)

My husband and I have played TTRPG together since we met. (it was one of the things we bonded over.) 

We have a tight-knit friends group we normally play with, but with time, we felt every game turned into the same game with the same people doing the same things, so we decided to expand our circle and play with a new friend we’d made through Magic: The Gathering. 

We’d played a few one-off campaigns with him when this story happened, and it had been okay. His player style leaned more silly and slap-stick than I preferred, but we made it work. 

Perhaps that should have been a warning! 

At this point, we had been meeting once a week, every week, to play and have dinner together. He was reliable and always showed up on time, so we decided it was time to ditch the one-offs and make an actual campaign. 

I had dreamt up a story and offered to be the GM. My two players were excited (it seemed) and we agreed that when we met next week they would have their characters ready. 

I made the whole campaign, every encounter, map, plot, music, photos, ambience - the whole nine yards! 

My husband made a human ranger-style character since I’d told them to make something “by the books”.  

The first problem arises when our friend presents his character: A quilted mess of creature-and-class variants galore. Technically all of it was “Legal” in DnD 3,5 (the system we ran at the time). This so-called character didn’t look even remotely humanoid, despite me making it clear that the characters “had to be able to blend into society”. 

When I reminded him of this he replied: “Well, he wears a cloak” … the build was also practically useless, all it was able to do was “run really fast” ...

I didn’t have the heart nor patience to fight him on it, and I let him use the character - debatable whether that was wise - but I am always adamant that the game is for the players, and that we play to have a good time. 

The real trouble came when I introduced the plot! (NB.: This was of course introduced via actual roleplay and descriptions, not just listed off!)

The abridged version here: An evil demi-god had been locked in a magic mirror and was guarded by a dragon. Some cultists had managed to free this demi-god from his prison and had hexed the dragon-guardian; turning it into a snare of thorns and bramble, now only vaguely resembling a dragon - it was however still sentient and able to explain to the players, what had happened, when they found it. 

The mirror that had trapped the demi-god had broken into many small pieces in the explosion that released the demi-god - and were now scattered around the world. The players were meant to travel the world to find these pieces (with the help of a magic item that could detect said pieces) and bring them back together in the frame - which would once again trap the demi-god. Of course, cultists were going to fight them every step of the way, and everywhere the shards of the mirror had landed, they spread hatred and pestilence, drawing monsters to them and turning those who touched them cruel and vile. 

As soon as the players come upon the remainder of the dragon, our friend begins to make fun of it (off-game) calling it “The Shrubbery Dragon” in a sarcastic way and starts scoffing at the fact that the dragon “hadn’t been able to do its job”. 

He also refused to say the name of the demi-god correctly, and instead called it: “The Chinese Takeout God,” and later “The Char Siu Bat”. (Because it was described as having bat-like wings) 

I try not to let it get to me and don’t comment on it, simply focusing on furthering the plot. 

At length, they set off on their journey and soon come upon an abandoned town. It seems the people left in haste and there are a few dead town guards strewn about. 

Instead of looking for clues as to what has happened, instead of anything that could have furthered the plot, our friend decides to start looting the place and informs me (since his build was part shark) that he has a feat that lets him eat anything and begins to eat the corpses… 

My husband's character finds some clues and manages to sniff out that there is a yeti loose in the mountainous area behind the town. With some research and by using the magic item they were given, he deduces that a shard of the mirror must have struck nearby, which is why the yeti is running amok. 

What does the other player do in this period? - Oh, he keeps interrupting to ask what loot he can find - how much is the booze at the bar worth? Did they have silver spoons? Did the dead guards have weapons? Can he break all the wood in town up and sell it as firewood? (To whom IDK!?) 

Finally, my husband decides to go up into the mountains to find the first mirror shard - and maybe fight the yeti! But our friend doesn’t want to come along. 

“No,” he said. “I don’t care about the shrubbery dragon and its mirror,” he declared and continued looting the place. 

At this point I was pissed and decided to leave him alone for a while - starve him for attention - and I focused on my husband's character who decides to go into the yeti’s territory alone. With a lot of effort and good roleplay, he finds that the shard is stuck in the shoulder of the yeti, and he manages to help the yeti, rather than to kill it.

This of course takes a while and the other player is getting bored. I suggested he could help his friend out, but he refused, only wanting to stay in town and loot. When I told him there was nothing more to loot, he became agitated, saying it was strange that there wasn’t that much to take in a whole town! When he realized I wasn’t going to give any more attention to this looting escapade (which had already lasted for more than an hour IRL) he started juggling dice, playing with a latch under the table (which made a ruckus), making farting sounds with his hands and proceeded to give me attitude when I told him to cut it out. 

When my husband's character returns to town it is dark and they decide to camp out for the night. 

That’s when a group of monsters attack. The monsters are these goblin-like creatures, with dragonfly wings and bare skulls for heads - I had a picture and everything. 

The other player's reaction when I show the image is: “That’s stupid!”

At least he was motivated to fight and the two players came out victorious. 

Immediately he goes: “So The Chinese Take Away Bat sent some skull-flies to kill us? Oooh, No wonder The Shrubbery Dragon needed some help!” 

At this point, I decided to end the session, before exploding. (I am bad with conflict and only have two modes: polite or rage) 

Normally after each session, we have a tradition of running through a list of questions, such as “What was your favourite moment? - What was the best thing your co-player did? - What do you hope happens next time?” and so on. 

I had decided not to ask any of them, feeling deep down he would have nothing good to say, but my husband (bless his heart) decided to start saying his favourite things without my asking, prompting the other player to say something as well. 

All the positive things he had to say were about himself, his build, how his character did things and so on. When directly asked about his favourite thing the other player had done, he responded: “I guess it was cool when we were looting the place together.” 

At the end, he added: “I wish there had been more combat - this was pretty dull!” 

I politely made him leave not long after that and made it immediately clear to my husband that I did not wish to continue this campaign with this player at the table. He understood and broke the news to the other player via text - who didn’t care at all. 

(The silver lining is that I reused the campaign with another group later and they liked it and the story didn’t go to waste, thankfully!) 

Moral of the story: Be respectful to your GM and co-players, please! If you don’t like the plot; fair! But be respectful, at the very least!