Why's it Always Transphobia?

So, off the bat I'm going to provide a Trigger Warning for transphobia.

So, for some context, a few years ago I began identifying as Nonbinary (they/them); I thought my egg days were behind me and that I would soon blossom into the Eldritch Entity I was always destined to be (as one does). It was around this time I was invited into a campaign for Dragon of Icespire Peak on Roll20 by a couple (Boyfriend and Girlfriend respectively from here on out). It was Girlfriend's first time DMing and as someone who is often the one sitting behind the DM screen, I was just excited to play. She assured me that the game was LGBTQ+ friendly and that everyone was welcome at a table (spoilers it was not).

Prior to the game, the group had started chatting and I soon learned that Boyfriend and Girlfriend lived relatively close to me. I genuinely was excited, because it opened a potential door into friendship outside of the game. And, they both seemed really chill, Girlfriend and I particularly got along, I was more than happy to talk DnD with her as well as just other things. I was kinda at a stage where I thought I was genderfluid, and having been deprived of a lot of girly things in my life, I was eager to learn about fashion and makeup. All that aside, I rolled up a fairly straight forward Paladin Lady (I swear, no signs at all I wasn't enby) who was there to kick ass and take names. Cool, great start, great group (mostly) what could possibly go wrong?

The first real signs that all was not well was the fact that Boyfriend, who touted himself as an Actor and a Long Term DM, often was very controlling of how Girlfriend ran the game. He would often make remarks about what she should do, or how she should go about rulings. At one point he just started arguing with me and another player when we pointed out that Girlfriend was running the game and he should chill out (Fun fact! He did not!). That was...concerning, but it also really wasn't something I wanted to touch, they were dating and living together, so yeah, I let it be; I mostly just tried to give Girlfriend some DM tips out of game and remark on things that I liked. You know... communication.

So, a couple sessions go by and we end up kicking a player for making some just weird remarks to another player. Well, I say we but I mean Boyfriend removed the player. Girlfriend clearly didn't like confrontation, so she got him to do the removal for him. I thought it a tad odd, but I was definitely sympathetic to her given the fact she was new to DMing (this is a device called foreshadowing). But, we kept on keeping on and having fun, I kept chatting with Boyfriend and Girlfriend out of game, I even got invited to a game that Boyfriend was going to start running. For all intents and purposes I was under the impression we were growing closer and becoming friends. This was especially aided by the fact that, at a time where I was still figuring out this who gender thing, they never misgendered me, not even once. And then I got "The Message".

Now, I don't have the whole thing, I only have the relevant part through sheer luck. But, I woke up one day to The Message and to find myself unceremoniously removed from Girlfriend's game and Boyfriend's game that was being planned to start soon The Message was written by Boyfriend (see, foreshadowing!) aaaand... well I'll let you read part of it, most of it was longer than necessary with a lot of self justification.

"We think that we're both decent people as well, but unfortunately there came about too many moments that we felt we "slipped up" or had to 'walk on eggshells' around you so to speak, all while speaking normally and being the adults we are. We don't wish to have this feeling plague us any longer, and feel it's better for both us, our groups, and also yourself if we part ways...."

So, what Boyfriend is talking about in this message is respecting how I identified at the time and using They/Them as my pronouns. The whole "walking on eggshells" and "all while speaking normally" means just...respecting me? Again, like this never came up, they never discussed it. So, yeah, they kicked me. I ended up sending Girlfriend a message on roll20 expressing my anger and how upset I was (this was stupid in hindsight), and that was it. Not once did they discuss anything with me, not once did I even feel like they had messed up, maybe there was one or two gentle corrections? But yeah, poof! That's the story. The End.

It's honestly wild looking back on this compared to where I am today. I don't even really think about this game, but it crossed my mind while writing up my story I posted recently and I was like: "Oh yeah, there was that other story." I'm not even baffled at it anymore, some people really just suck.

As always, thanks for reading <3

ETA: Just for a clarification since it has come up in some of the comments. I was with this group for months they treated me with kindness and respect before out of the blue kicking me.