I (21F) am thinking about leaving my boyfriend (M21) but need second opinions, advice, and for people to tell me what I need to hear!

Sam and I have been together for over three years now, but we’ve been struggling with his infidelity on and off. I’ve caught him downloading apps to flirt with women around the world, posting inappropriate comments on local NSFW Reddit pages, and liking pictures of other women. He even had inappropriate conversations with a family friend of his with whom he has a history of intimacy.

His cheating became so overwhelming that I eventually kicked him out of my house, hoping he would seek therapy and address his issues. After some time apart, I decided to give him another chance and let him move back in. Recently, I discovered that he had been liking a female coworker’s pictures on Instagram, knowing how uncomfortable and disrespectful I find that. They even had text conversations about my belongings, with him referring to them as if he owned them, without mentioning me at all.

It also came to light that he had created a backup Reddit account over a year ago, despite having deleted his previous account after I found inappropriate content on it. Beyond his infidelity, Sam has been cold and disrespectful. Whenever I express my feelings or concerns, he dismisses me as being dramatic or invalidates my emotions.

Lately he has been taking my car without permission, telling me I can’t go with him, and stays out all night with friends I don’t know, drinking and having fun. I’ve only ever allowed him to use my car for work, but if I voice my discomfort about his outings, he accuses me of being controlling and not letting him have freedom. 

Our relationship lacks intimacy and connection. He rarely takes me on dates, buys me gifts, or shares interests with me. He doesn’t compliment me, show me off, or help me with my problems. During intimacy, he doesn’t seem to care about my pleasure. The only things we seem to do together are smoke, eat (whether I cook, or we buy food), and go to bed. 

I’ve been hearing a lot from my family that I need to do better and seriously consider breaking up with Sam. Despite this advice, I continually find myself justifying his behavior and how he treats me. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt just for contemplating leaving him, even though deep down, I know I’ll never be truly happy in this relationship.

With Christmas approaching, all these conflicting feelings are weighing heavily on me, and I can feel myself spiraling out of control again. My mom suggested that I wait until after the holidays to break up with him, while my sister thinks I should do it before Christmas so we can return his gifts, confident he doesn’t deserve them. I’m at a crossroad and feeling really lost. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

TLDR: I've been with Sam for over three years, but his ongoing infidelity and disrespect have caused significant strain. Despite giving him another chance after kicking him out, he continues to flirt with other women, take my car without permission, and dismiss my feelings. Our relationship lacks intimacy and connection, and my family advises me to break up with him. With Christmas approaching, I'm conflicted about whether to end things now or wait until after the holidays. I'm feeling lost and unsure of what to do.