Struggling with My Wife's Dishonesty About Money – Seeking Advice 40M and 35F

Hello everyone,

I’m looking for advice about a difficult situation in my marriage. My wife and I have been together for 16 years and married for 7. I’m '40 M' , and she’s '35 F' .

Over the years, there have been several instances where she has lied to me about money. Each time this happens, I explain how much it hurts me and strains our relationship, but somehow, it keeps happening.

Here are some examples:

She once spent $10,000 from our savings without telling me. When I confronted her, she claimed it was because she wasn’t getting paid at the company she worked for. On another occasion, I gave her money to pay the rent, but she didn’t pay it. To this day, I don’t know what happened to that money. The most recent incident: She told me she had enrolled our son at a new school, but today she admitted that wasn’t true. I don’t understand why she feels the need to lie. I’m not abusive, and I’ve never laid a hand on her. I’ve always been the breadwinner in our relationship, paying for everything and sharing my earnings with her transparently.

I’m at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. Should we seek counseling, or are these red flags that signal it’s time to end the relationship? Divorce would be devastating for me because we have two children—our son (15) and daughter (4)—and I can’t imagine not being there for them daily.

I’m feeling lost and would appreciate any advice or perspectives you can offer.

Thank you.