Wanting to date men but only as a man

I (29 Genderfluid) feel that I can only be non-repulsed by men if I was a man myself. I feel I am gay for men. I only want to date men as a man but feel repulsed at the idea while I am in a female mode. I am very anti hetero. I feel like my attraction to men changes depending on my gender. When I am in female mode, I feel women are more attractive than men...but when I am in man mode, I feel like men are more attractive. I am having a confusing time trying to understand my split attraction modes and have decided to create a character to help me explore my sexuality and gender more.