From PA to Polyamory

I had this sub recommended to me by someone over on r/loveafterporn.

For some context, my fiance told me about his PA August of ‘22. Since then we have made some boundary adjustments and compromises. One of those being my acceptance of him watching/reading hentai exclusively (I know the opinions of hentai on this sub aren’t great, but I feel more comfortable with that over real porn. And it’s a compromise after all.) We have been in couples therapy for over a year, and our wedding is in the fall of this year.

I am at a complete loss. Prior to us meeting I had a brief encounter with someone who was poly. I even shared with my current fiancé how uncomfortable that made me and how the lifestyle was not something I wanted. We’ve had conversations about how we’ve never really seen a successful long term poly couple. Aaaaaand here we are. I have told him NO, absolutely not, in no way will that ever be something in the realm of possibility for me and my future. He said he wants to explore it WITH me.

I really don’t know what to do. I’m terrified that he can accept my “no” for now and in who knows how many years after our marriage it will come back around and he won’t let go. That it’ll be that, or I leave. He’s said in conversations past that he “is someone who likes to push boundaries” in response to me saying I need to be respected so I can’t say I’m really surprised? I just don’t understand why you would make a commitment to one person if that’s not what you wanted.

I just want to feel safe. I just want to be loved by ONE person. I want to be HIS person.