Having a setback. Feeling more depressed?

My panic disorder really intensified during 2020. I’ve been on an SSRI and I’m therapy since 2021. Lots of ups and downs but have been feeling pretty good for the last few months on 20mg of Celexa.

I started a weeklong course of antibiotics about 4 weeks ago and noticed that I’ve been feeling “off” ever since. Higher levels of anxiety, some panic feelings.

Over the past week I’ve noticed more depressed feelings - sadness, hopelessness, somewhat empty. I have thoughts that I can’t do this any more and I will feel like I want to escape the discomfort. These thoughts/feelings scare the hell out of me, and one of my triggers is the fear of becoming suicidal. Hence, fueling the cycle of anxiety and panic.

The connection between my depressed thoughts and my feelings of panic and anxiety are making it hard for me to tell what’s going on. Am I depressed? Is it just anxiety and panic? Is it both? I’ve never been clinically depressed before, so the thought of this being added to my plate of mental health issues seems devastating to me.

Trying to remind myself that recovery is not linear, that feelings and thoughts are not facts, and that this will pass. But the longer that this setback lasts, the more fearful I become. I’m feeling more and more discouraged. And the cyclical nature of this disorder feels so daunting and impossible right now.

Can anyone else relate? Or does anyone have any advice in this situation?