Struggling with Parental Guilt and Its Impact on Relationships

I've been trying to limit contact with my parents, but I can’t shake off the guilt. My mom often said things during fights like, "You'll miss me when I'm dead, and you'll regret it. Just wait until I'm gone." I know I’ll probably miss her, but those words, and other toxic behaviors, have deeply affected me.

Even after years of therapy, I still carry this guilt and a fear of hurting her. It’s affecting my life in so many ways—I can’t trust people or build relationships. I keep thinking about what my father went through in his marriage and how much I don’t want a relationship that feels anything like that.

I value my independence and freedom so much that I struggle to open up and truly love someone. When someone gets too close, I feel trapped and pull away. This has definitely hurt people. I've confused girls, made them think I wasn’t interested, and I know I’ve missed out on meaningful connections because of it.

I’m trying to understand how to break this cycle and find balance. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? How do you work through it?