My nudes were turned into a children’s game
My (now 27f) ex (now 33m) and I broke up over two years ago and I’ve only seen him in passing since. But I found out recently that over the past few years (this apparently started when we were still together) had all of my nudes professionally printed and labeled like Pokémon cards. He has them numbered, they have different “powers” and “teams” that are assigned to them. How did I find this out? Oh, well his coworker who’s a friend of mine had several in his wallet. That’s right…they trade them! At work!
After throwing up and then ruminating for a couple weeks I finally reached out to him and we met up in person to discuss. He initially tried lying “how many people have seen my nudes?” “Just my two best friends” “uh huh. How many people have seen my nudes?”
He admitted that he doesn’t know how widespread this game has become but he’s had at least 7 people from /other/ businesses in our same industry tell him that they were traded one at work. These are men I don’t even know. Men who just happen to work in my industry and possibly run in the same circles!!
In addition to those guys, my ex verified that the 40 men (and handful of lesbians) at his workplace that all have large collections and still trade them, trying to have one of each photo for a full set.
He estimates that he’s printed and designed at least 5,000 cards over time—at least one of every photo I ever sent, as well as some screenshots of videos, and of course, duplicates of the favorites (which they call the Magikarp Nudes.)
I just received my first promotion last year and I really love the industry I work in. I would love to stay and continue climbing, but now I will always have to wonder if the person interviewing me has a naked photo of me in his pocket.
I hate that sending photos to someone who I was in love with, who I was in a monogamous, consensual, adult relationship with, has turned into this.
Not looking for advice because this is clearly so widespread that it wouldn’t matter. Just sharing one of the most insane things I’ve ever heard.
Edit to add:
Repeating lots of the same things in the comments so here’s a little FAQ
I’m 4 weeks clean from cocaine
I’m 6 days clean from self harm
The industry is car sales. Most employees are in their 20s-30s and they lean heavily male. If you’ve worked in a car dealership you’re probably aware of the kind of language, conversations, videos, etc that take place. Bringing a nude photo into the dealership wasn’t out of the norm. When I worked at dealership 1 we saw the GM grope sales women, salespeople watched porn at their desk, etc. I understand this isn’t the norm in most industries, but no one thought much of it. I was still their coworker at the time that he started bringing in photos, and I was still dating N.
Dealership 1 is a small family owned dealership, vs dealership 2 which is corporate owned. Dealership 1s “HR Department” was the general manager who was collecting the cards as well. That was just one of a hundred instances of him completely ignoring HR and doing whatever was the most fun for him. The only person above him was the owner of the dealership who is known locally for taking customers’ virginities in the backseats of his cars back in the 70s…not really HR material either. My new store absolutely has a wonderful HR department. Every time I show my new coworkers a Snapchat memory from the previous store, I get horrified looks. These coworkers literally cannot even fathom half of those things happening inside a professional workplace. Because they shouldn’t be happening.
R was a former coworker and at the time I considered him a friend. I am grateful that he made me aware of what was going on but we are no longer friends.
I don’t know if there were other women being traded as well. I hope not.
Why did I send him nudes? Because we were adults. Because we’d been dating for over a year. Because we went long distance for 6 months. Because people should have a reasonable expectation of privacy within their relationships. Instead of telling me I shouldn’t have been sending him nudes, maybe tell your friends to stop sharing the nudes that they receive in confidence.
People seem confused on the timeline, especially after reading my other posts
- 2020- began working at dealership 1 where I met N (nudes guy) and R (guy who told me about it). Began dating N within my first few months there, dated until 2022.
- June 2021- took 6 month internship opportunity in another state
- Late 2022- left N and dealership 1. Took 2 weeks off to travel and then began working at dealership 2 and met S (subject of pretty much the rest of my posts)
- Early 2023- began dating S
- Early 2024- S left dealership 2, I was promoted, we got engaged
- August 2024- R reached out to me about the nudes and showed me everything.
- September 2024- S and I ended our engagement, I got heavy into cocaine and my formerly passive suicidal ideation took over.
- October 2024- suicide attempt #1. 3 day psych hold at the hospital
- November 2024- reached out to S and told him about the drugs and attempt and he encouraged me to seek therapy. Checked myself in psych for 4 days. Began seeing therapist 3x per week
- December 31, 2024- checked myself in again, just for the day.
- January 10 2025- suicide attempt #2, 3 day psych hold.
- January 15, 2025- therapy session, discussed nudes, N, dealership 1 for first time
- January 16, 2025- ready to talk about it. Posted on Reddit for my 3 followers. Went way further than I expected.
I have made the decision to pursue legal action.
It sounds like this won’t meet the definition of revenge porn because we were dating when he started trading them, but it may fit the Nonconsensual Distribution of Pornography
I do not have copies of the cards so if you’ve messaged me asking me to send you one, you’re fucking vile and you really, truly should be ashamed of yourself
If you truly think this was written by AI you have a lottt of faith in computers and I love that for you.